Is your relationship with work broken?
Are you who you want to be?
Are you experiencing your ideal health and well-being?
Are your personal and professional relationships what you want them to be?
How are your finances?
I could go on.
Of course it is not work’s fault that you are not your best self or doing your best work. It is your fault. That’s right it is your fault. There I said it. How you understand work and the meaning you give it in your life is incredible powerful in shaping your experience of it.
At one level work is no different to exploring your relationship with family, health, money etc. I like to explore this one because of how much time we give to work. I do think exploring your relationship with work is a wonderful opportunity to gain insight, feedback, practice, learn and ultimately grow. Should you want to.
“The only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.” - Tony Robbins.
My first impressions of work was that it was a bad thing. My Dad wouldn’t talk about it yet he would spend time at work and not with me. I understood that work was a place people go without me. I understood work prevented my Mum and Dad from spending time with me. So I decided that work was bad. I had given it meaning in my life. I knew that bad things lead to experiencing undesirable things, like loneliness and abandonment, and lead me to wonder if I wasn’t good enough or loveable. So I had to protect myself from work. That’s right I was going to diminish its’ role in my life. Give it less time, less effort and less energy. That way I could make the most of the good times, the non-work times.
What an interesting relationship to participate in. A relationship to spend the most time in, give the most of my special gifts, ply my skills and share my wisdom. I was in a relationship for it’s benefits nothing more.
Status – hell yes give me the Collins St office
Money – thank you very much
Belonging – I was special to work for a firm like I did.
Travel – Perth and London provided many wonderful moments.
Routine – it’s good to know where to be and when
This relationship with work was also impacting my non work time.
· Important people had to spend time with me on the weekend to demonstrate how important I was to them
· Holidays had to be amazing, OK was definitely not enough
· My needs weren’t being met at work and there was no time to do so after work so my health suffered
· I didn’t do my best work and my performance and financial rewards declined.
I had great stories based on great moments. This afforded me an audience with loved ones. I felt liked I belonged and was loved. Until I really tuned in and realized they didn’t understand or care for what I was sharing. My efforts to belong and be loved where paper thin and exhausting.
It was time to redefine my relationship with work.
Work is contribution.
The happiest people I know and observe are connected and contributing to people and causes they love and are important to them. I like pleasing people, supporting others feels good. Making a meaningful difference feels amazing. My Dad for as long as I can remember questioned whether our actions had any socially redeeming value. There is still something satisfying when I can say yes, even well into my fourties. My great days are no longer only occurring on the weekend or holidays.
If you are not your best self often enough or not doing your best work as much as you would like don’t blame work. I encourage you to consider if your relationship with work is broken.
